Nearly twelve years ago, my beautiful little world shattered. I was a stay at home mom with four beautiful but very young children. We lived meagerly but comfortably. But then, the man that I thought was a good, Christian guy decided that he was done with the Christian life and walked away from it....and our very young family. As it naturally has to go, he didn't leave quietly and without fanfare. It was dramatic with horrid affairs and so much nastiness. It was recommended to me back then to begin a blog to help me work out my emotions. It became quite a therapeutic release for me and has helped numerous people through the years.
And now I find myself in need of that release again; not from a wayward husband, but a rebellious teenage daughter. Much the same as my divorce, the events that have transpired over the last month and a half have been horrid and dramatic. No one is more shocked by all this than me. No one is more devastated than me. I keep asking myself, "how did I miss the signs again? How did I not see warnings that she was about to go off the deep end? What did I do wrong in parenting her that she has become just like her dad? Why would she want to do these things, knowing how much hurt they caused her?"
All these questions basically go unanswered. I didn't see it coming because, just like her dad, she became a master at lying. I know I have many failings as a parent, but at the end of the day, she has a free will. She can make her own choices.
I know these things in my head, but it does not sooth my aching heart!! I very much feel I am reliving 2007 all over again...... except this is much worse, oh, so very much worse!
